went to min hui and denise hse do hmwk...super worry for studio...end up all agreed to go back sch tml empty handed...tml dun noe how face lec lah..but really out of inspirations wor..haizz...den...at min hui hse saw alot of stars..i saw them again...i dun noe y the stars can make me smile...the stars so nice wor...i love staring into the sky full of stars..relax...clean...i jus feel so good... :) i always got this wish..is to see stars with someone i feel for..hehe...我可以..陪你去看星星....haha...the song...who sing for me i xing doong liao lah..

went treatment on friday..woodland got the uk funfair wor...till 27 may bah..arh~ i wanna play...i want i want i want who wanna go with me....going up and down the roller coaster make me feel better too..i want..i wanna scream out my lungs lah..

fine..now i got this kind of thinking..: y i wanna care wat others treat me leh...most matter is how i treat myself...i din do anything to betray myself..y care...haha...i know is selfish...but who's not selfish...everyone is only caring abt themselves...so y i should be so naive and care...hack loh..i can control myself already not bad liao..no time to care others loh..to be cold blooded also not bad leh...u wanna treat me this way..den continue loh..haha..i will not get affected.. tell u again I WILL NOT GET AFFECTED!!!! cus i noe im not in wrong..wat for i care wat u did..wat i wanted to achieve is my dreams...my future...and not care about and hurt about wat u did to me...continue say those things to me lah...dun turn here and there trying to shoot me..u want say it straight loh..cut the crap u trying to do now..not happy just say straight to me lah..dun act loh..i simply hate this kind of hypocrites...hahahaha...shiok now...got better le..so can carry on with my life...y bcus of some ppl i met in my life and i get affected...u are not my mum or my sis...so jus leave it loh..wahaha...

aRRRr...alot of things is happening...give me a break people...i need break...i jus feel im not wat i use to be...i wanna be lyk last time...arrrr....projs are hell lah...im jus lyk a stingy fish in my groups...aRRRrr...ting~~~ 我还是很难过啊!!!too many things happen at 1 go liao...arrrrrr...is crazy...i couldnt understand myself lah..is crazy...i've regreted...is jus not lyk wat it use to be...if it does not start at the 1st place...there will be no end...is my fault again lah...i've regreted..if i din fall from the start...there will be no weekly treatments...see...my fault again...i've regreted...if i din go treatment from the start...i will not be crippling...there..is my fault...sucky treatment is hell....and now...the treatment worsen my condition...and now...i have no way turn back....dun call me a sick...cus im not..

i really dun noe wat he want lah..saw him downstair..pretended im a stranger...wat he want sia...i give up le lah..wat he want den he do lah...poison the com and now i cant operate it properly...when is my lappy coming...aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrr....let me bark somemore....i feel lyk exploding....

today 1st class rapid prototyping class..ok..eh...garry very lo so wor..haha..alot to say...den needness to say...1 more proj..haiyo..crazy lah..

half way..sudden craving for KFC..haha..ytd chee yong and min hui still lyk kid die die wanna eat KFC...now my turn.. Xp den cant concentrade liao..

went down to town eat loh..ok..den talk alot..issues abt our class...erm...i felt the same way...i tink mayb both of grp are at wrong bah...must merge class..:P but really lah..bonding...important de neh...but at the same time..slowly understand each other loh..cant possibly 1 day noe each other well liao..slowly loh...mayb go break together..or go out together? can wor... Xp

walk walk loh..cus of JP..haha.. JP jia you tml oh!!! may u be with ur love....help u find pressie for her le oh...walk almost whole day wor..my back cant tahan lah...walk too long liao...lyk u all say..auntie liao..haha...[but i dun want..i want young 4eva!!!] den saw this miniature pastry/chocolate collection...omg...i want it wor..full set leh...very cute..but cant get it..need to save first..hehe...$65...erm my miniature stationeries collections lyk no more liao..arh..no money lah...nva mind save for this set first...miniatures are EXPENSIVE!!!!!is not a cheap hobby neh...pei fu km lah...hmmmm.....

den go home liao...i bought a new ear phones liao...cus i stupidly tot mine spoilt liao...in the end...*cough**cough* no spoil lah..haiz...nva mind...and today...im too shit liao...i was playing JP psp..and then..without clicking on anithing..the memory card spoilt...oh my..so shit lah...b4 dat brendon stilll say wat i touch will spoil easily..and now...er...haha...realli spoil again..sorry wor..realli not purposely de..haha...tml treat him lunch... Xp

on the way tot of themes...but wat if interpret daniel meaning wrongly again how nie...redo leh...den...the pain TRANSFER lah..to leg...pain pain pain....aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrr....when is it going to cure neh...at first still hoping it cure b4 sch start neh..but..haiyo...suay lah...ok..go do work liao..

tata...

arrr~ help..no ideas...no concepts...im very trouble lah...i take back those words i posted in the afternoon..i tink i still need time..let me vent out for awhile...avoiding looking at my hp dun help at all...stilll no appetite lah..i hate this kind of me...i hate myself lah....useless...useless...and useless....health lyk shit...........design stuff lyk shit.....family click lyk shit......treat my frens lyk shit......relationship lyk shit....omg..im worst then a piece of shit.......aRRRRRRRRRRRRAaaaaaaaaaRRRRRRRRRRr!!!!!!!!!!!!
got a feeling of giving up my passion...i dun noe y...jus feel lyk ending wor...haiyo..but at the same time know dat...end liao..i will regret...so y not jus bear with it...haiyo...dunnoe lah...jus let me bullshit awhile more b4 i continue with my stuff....b u l l s h i t t i n g .................................
o h y a...k m t h e b u l l s h i t t e r ......................................h a h a ........................................
w h i l e b u l l s h i t t i n g ...........................i t o t o f k m t h e b u l l s h i t t e r
s t i l l b u l l s h i t t i n g h a i z o k...i h a b h a d e n u f f o f t h o s e s h i t
g o b a c k m y w o rk l i a o ! ! !

take care

finally weekend...no ideas arh~
bought my lappy liao..end up chosen the fujisu wan..thou is most ex..but is the best wan la..i feel..so jia you to save and pay back my sis..$3 a day...jia you jia you jia you!!!!! jus now km called and con with denise..i felt so bad..i din do research wor..so sorry..i will do it after i drew my studio..paisei arh...

ytd arh..dance!!! den go the chinese sin sei again loh..he say i wasted my money on treatment..and he also say it onli help awhile not life long de..so $500 fly liao..hehe..mummy hinted me say mother's day coming soon..haha..which mean my bday coming too..haha..but my birthday wishes jus broke le...hai..nvm..is jus a normal day lyk wat my mum say..ytd also feel uncomfortable wor..not feeling well wor..but as now u all see this posting..i can say..im feeling better le..and i woke up le..i will not anyhow think le...should say..fri im drunk and i knock my head on the wall..so stupid and painful can..den i woke up le..i shall be happy from today onwards..i can de oh.. jia you!!

to him:
actually i always want to let u noe..im not realli as good as u think..i still tink im at fault..i remember once i said trust is very impt..but when i was with u..i couldnt...because i scared u will be lyk my ex..lyk how he hurt me..thou how i tink u wun..but there is already a fobia..i always wanted to try cope it asap..so sorry if i cause anything to u last time.. Xp next time dun find gf lyk me arh...so sorry wor..i lyk very lousy...hehe...lyk bring sadness to u nia..so if u tink we friends u are happier den we be friends bah...of cus we are still friends..nop..u are my entertainer wor.. :) so sorri..everytime is u entertain me..lyk own u alot..when u are feeling down..i can entertain u wan hor..hehe...dun feel pressurise le oh..dat day i also said im waiting..dun take it too hard wor..erm...cus i dun wanna it to affect our friendship..now we are friends i should be happy le.. :) promise me u must be happy oh..and have more confident wor...if u feel u are right jus do it wor..dun shy shy ar.. hehe..dun lyk sotong liao.. Xp wishh u 天天开心oh... :)

ok le..i go chong work liao..if not stress liao..

1st week ending soon..
starting to get no slp...
projects lyk mt Fuji..im stress...with my new classmates..more stress..they chong so hard de..

+ speaker proj [ new at least 3 themes, 15 concepts.= last yr: onli develop 1 or 2 concept]
+ graphics kaya packaging [ he says: if p board did well mayb will be somewhere printing]
+ calculator model [ a actual size model with all buttons cut out individually]
+ biz plan [ well..i dun realli noe wat to do for this... ]

1st week onli..arh~give me more slp..give me healthier body..
this few week stomach weird weird de..haiz..sometime also dun feel lyk eating also..weird~

to that someone..
hey u..im still a lady..pls lift ur hands off me..i keep quiet doesn't mean im ok with it..i feel very very uncomfortable..noe u diff from normal.but u are still a guy..guy and gal..no no no so intimate...pls stop watever shit u are doing...im pissed.. *bleahZZzz*

go ZZzz le..tml getting lappy finally..hope it help me thru out no spoil nth..
tata..

start of sch..
end of love..
aren't love just too easy to be brokenn?slient tears..breaking heart..being brave..is not just dat..feelings can be hidden...feelings can be lied...but i couldnt ever lie to myself...i couldnt ever hide my feelings to myself...it jus a feeling dat something is gone...bring me...bring me to the far far place alone..i've no strength..no courage...is too tiring..really..leave me..as long u are happy..anything...as long it can exchange your happiness...everything will be alright..sorry for the hurt i brought..sorry for the pressure i caused..but there u are able to leave me a memorable memories..to u mayb no...but to me..u indeed did well..dun lose confidence again..the next will be better..thank you..i did enjoyed myself being with u..take care oh!! we will be still frens lyk the past..my great great entertainer...

在单纯的爱情里...

往往都会有一位受的伤害比较深...

爱的越深...伤的越深...

明明自己清楚不可以在负出爱情,伤害自己...

可是就如傻瓜一样负出了...

又伤到了...

为和每一次的负出,换来的却是悲伤...

是因为从头开始都是我犯的错吗?

真的没有不会变的诺言吗?

终究都会有改变吗?

爱一个人真的很难...

但是被爱跟难...

the sec last day of holidays

went sentosa..fun..i enjoyed myself..but still cant calm my mind down..but im still worry..y are all this happening?izzit bcus of the 2 stoopid qn i ask? wat is happening?i wanna noe..keeping to urself or ignoring me doesnt help at all..at least tell me wat is happening..problems lies on me? the relationship realli mean nth to u? if it is nth..y are u making promises? y? y making promises dat u noe u will break it..

why promise me dat u will make me happy from the start while now u are making me cry...
if u knew it will be broken 1 day..
then why are u making promises again..
why u promise dat u will no matter wat reply me but now u are breaking it again...
why? is it lyk wat the others say: promises are meant to be broken?
if it is...i rather u didnt make any promises to me...
u are lyk helping me to fly up to the sky and now pushing me straight down ...it hurts..

school starting tml...i realli wanna solve all the problems before facing the new problems coming soon...i wanna noe wat is happening....

我已经很累了!!!

i did my hair..trim? dye...and den...treatment..haiz..i realli wanna stop sia..painful arh~~she pulled more..till i felt the pain and the pain transferred down..same lyk 1st very unconcious..den..did the pressing of spine by dr karl wu?? he pressed harder..and is realli painful den the 1st..and he said: it will be painful..but this is the minimal..the strength will increase and the pain will be more..aaaaaarrrhhhh..i dun wanna do liao..

meet km to watch meet the robinson[3d] 1st time watch 3d movie..wore the spec?? haha..very giddy sia..but ok lah..haha..den meet von poh...i feeling very down...very very down...blaming myself? am i the pressure?? sorry causing lots of pressure..sorry..i dun noe wat i've did..i dun noe..neither did i want it to turn this way..i shouldnt ask u these qn...i shouldnt...i shouldnt irritates u so much..i shouldnt...alot of thoughts spinning in my mind...alot..i felt lyk crying out...crying out loud..shouting out loud to the sea..i wanna vent out..everythings seems lyk getting stuck somewhere in my heart...dun feel lyk going home...

trying hard to communicate with him...but y cant he understand? mum & dad keep on asking us to communicate..cus we are siblings..but did u try? im really tired..trying to give in..as if im ur elder sister..grow up...and wat else u did? tell other girls how u are being bullied in this house? hello..are u trying to get sypamthy from those girls? telling them i shout at u and i din respect u? but now hu is the one shouting? is YOU!!! but i jus let u shout ok..today still tell those girls dat daddy is unfair..hey..u is the 1 being unreasonable ok..is obviously ur fault..and u throw temper on dad ok..but dad din get mad but instead..did stoopid things to make u happy..how old are u..cant u jus think?? u are not a kid..cant u jus wake up...wat are u thinking? trying to get more girls..calling hotlines..hey..did u noe u wasted how much in this family? he u noe dad is getting older? did u noe u spent the unneccessory bills calling hotlines whereas the money can now help me to get a laptop for sch stuff? did u noe dat? did u noe that time is my most stressful time doing project rushing here and there in late nites to do project? did u noe mummy asking for my help helplessly and worrying for dad? did u noe? NO..u jus play basketball lyk nothing happen..and im there feeling helpless...cus y? i cant help at all...i cant even accompany mum for dat nite..i cant pay for ur bills..i cant do anything..i jus cry!!i felt so stupid..really...making wrong choices..if i dint choose this course..mayb i could have paid for u...i would have the time to accompany mummy..y??

evrythings seems lyk im the one causing it? y? i dint want to do all those stuff..y? y? y? i wanna stop..im realli tired..too many things happen in one go...i really cant handle..i wanna vent out..i wanna cry out..i need the breeze of the sea..ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sorry..

PAINFUL!!!!

rested at home..watch dvd and did some stuff..
pain came lyk wat DR karl wu said..unbearable in the morning when i wake up..den stop..den back again..
cant sit still but slanted..for the whole day..
dint go cut hair in the end..tml den go..den tml treatment again..i realli dun wish to do..is ucomfortable..and tml is the last time my mummy will accompany go..for the rest i will be alone liao..i realli dun wish to do..

daddy wake up he ask me..i dun noe y but his answer make me wanna cry..but i dint..he said in a very caring way..is lyk dat..mus bear with it..if not it will not get well..at first i find him a bit loso..but he went out of the rm..i felt lyk crying..haha..stoopid...? y ? eromyna em tuoba erac ot smees nud u y tub ..
upset..off hp..when switch on..nth at all...?el sgnileef on

为和一切很像在改变。。。我真希望一切是我多想的。。。

ok..end here le..waking up early to go out with mummy and treatment..haizz

takecare..

busy new week!!!

mon:

back to sch did preparation for tml orientation..
records lotsa stuff..play play play loh..
5.00 appointment with Dr Karl Wu for results..
results: no serious prob only dat my last two part of spine happen to join together..Doc also dun noe y my back arches..might be slipped disk might be nerves got pressed might be the joined bones..doc recommended me to do treatment..if still not help a check will do again.. haizz
eat the nice nice cha kuey tiao..nice...yummie..
meet the sotong go home together..
gave him the keychain i engraved ytd..haha..dats the secret..
see:



tue:
orientation start liao...
busy videoing..we treated our group mac..and got 1 abnn dat irritates us..haiyo...all ogls sort of blacklisted him..soooo cocky wor..and im not taking video of u sia..haha...heng not id de..if not i dun noe how u gonna to survive when u hab seniors lyk us..haha..

wed:
orientaion sec day..
1 word tired..real tired..so long nva wake up so earli can..den video again..haha..i got 1 id junior look lyk sotong poly time..haha...realli look alike wor..the face shape..the dressing type..the sling bag..haha..he also lyk jay zhou wor..look alike lah..but my sotong more sotong..haha..so dats the different liao.. Xp [NO SOTONG ALLOW TO READ THIS PART Xp]

thur:
last day orientation...
damned tired can..today last day..super shack..go sch..nth to do..cus boss no come no cam..and noe wat..wat i recorded last 2 days all wasted cant be use liao..hai...den nth do liao loh..play cards eat mac..do mac delivery for junior somemore sia..see..i so good sia..with denise and km..den slack slack slack..cam come den start work loh.hais..1st 120++ came...now 50 came..so sad lah..den today cotton woo bdae ..but very the last min we celebrated for him cus me and km go amk buy cake is actually for a junior de..last min den noe also woo bdae den the "surprize" last min goes to cotton woo loh.. Xp den eat..den water bomb loh..chatted at ltr awhile for time to pass so as to meet sotong at night..but in the end..din meet le..sotong stomach upset...so stay at home..but is scary de..nobody at home...i dun noe y..since im young..i dun realli lyk being alone at home..specially after my depression..mayb im afraid of it coming back..alot of weird weird stuff will come inside my brain..i dun want..is scary...and my heart hurtxx.. :'( so pls pei me whenever u all can..hehe...

fri..
good fri..nth special..work onli..ting yi gone back half way..today all the sickly work together..minli: stomach pain..ting yi: jurk and stomach pain me: back pain and gastric pain..haiyo..hehe..den today my mouth itchy go eat the bee hoon goreng..add more sambal also..den nite time jialut wor..gastric pain lyk siao..it all started since afternoon loh..my stomach feel the heat and den..pain liao..haiyo..

sat:
go dance den continue work..im super duper tired..my eyes cant open loh..and my gastric still pain..so reach workplace den eat liao..realli tired..until dun wanna talk..feel uncomfortable too..my dance fren ask me not to work wor..but cant wor..nobody can work liao..haizz..den bear loh..until 4 plus aunty come see me so different wor..she ask me go home loh..den do stock lyk i went home..i wanna see u wor..i dun noe y jus wanna see u..on the way home i switch on my hp den saw ur msg..y u say dat??y?? haiizz..on train i wanted to drop at a stop so i can use a public phone to call and meet u..but i din...i felt weird in my heart and im nervous..i jus dun noe y lah...den got home..haiz..im alone again at home..den all the weird stuff comes into my brain again..i dun want!!but i jus cant control thinking..so i still called u loh..but u got duty..den nvm le..but y u this time din tell me at all?den my dad called to meet me le..i went out asap..but i keep on thinking y u din tell me de..sorry...im sensitive...den meet my parents kana lecture by daddy..mum..den sis helped me by asking me to go buy food..den im trying lyk a fool to luff..haha..mayb realli too tired le bah..den reach home im on bed liao..we chatted tonite..hehe..

sun:
work morning and is my last day...i wake up earlier to meet sotong..for breakfast at bugis..den go mac eat loh..alamak..dun lyk dat see me wor..i will pai sei de..haha..den gone work loh..the time pass so slowly..we discuss next sat sentosa trip..haha..excited nie..wanted u to go also..but hais..u cant make it..hehe den i got my pay haizz..lappy fly away le..wait again..not enuff sia..and went home ..haha..watch kim samsoon..haha..till very late wor..noe y? i scare tml treatment..ARRR~~~~

today:
gone treatment..1st time and i hoping its the last time..i dun wish to go back again but no choice wor..paid already..first..lie on the "bed"..she tied me so tight dat i hardly breathe[at first]..cant move or anything..she told me dat some patients cant even sit up by themselves from the bed..im realli nervous dat my arms gone stiff..den she pressed the buttons den my upper body and lower body seems lyk tearing apart..den she gone away..my head is spinning loh..very unconcious wor..and is very uncomfortable wor..den the machine will slowly pull my lower and upper body apart..i felt numb..and my head is still spinning can..my mum sitted bside me..she seems more worried sia..for ard 10 mins..she came back and release me..i felt unconcious and i sort of cant react to wat they say lah..my leg also gone weak sia..den doc came and ask me lie flat down on another "bed" wat he ask me i dun seems hearing it..den he lifted my waist part up..and press on my spine hard down..this is horrifying..and is real pain..not one time but lotsa time..den he stop and say its the end of today session and he said..today is using lesser strength..it will increase for my next treatment..pls...i realli dun feel lyk doing treatment again..1 week twice leh..and i need to do another 1 mth plus lah..arh~~~i dun want..and if it cant cure this time..i will need to continue for other treatments..:'(

end...
go slp liao..tml go cut hair..haha..mummy treat de..

nite nite..

wahaha..is 12 plus!!

hehe..today i and him 1 mth oh...wahaha..sally..i did publish it..hehe (-_-")

eh..basically i forgotten wat i did this few days..onli knew im bz with sch and work bah... :P

thur:
eh..today by rite go see the doc who specialise on spine..aunty recommended de..but they din open wor..so i stay at home till meet him in the evening loh..haha..we ate pasta and took neo print again.. :D u very cute wor when take neo print..lyk sotong dun noe where to look at..hehe...funny wor..haha.. Xp
see:

my fav de oh..hehe

see..cute mah?


fri:
ok went for an interview..so fast end wor.. den nth to do buy lunch for sally they all..den shop ard loh..sian wor..interview end at 11 plus but i meeting aunty at 3 plus wor..den go chat with them till aunty come..FOC awhile also..haha..they busy mah..so help take stock awhile..aunty kana shock when i called her from shop wor..hehe..den go see doc loh..faint wor..consultation fees is $60 wor..and the doc din even touch or see my back..jus ask qn nia..60 gone..den go for the x ray at the lumbar? is scary and uncomfortable wor..x ray mah..need to change to their coat..but hor..she go untie it leh...scare me sia..and super pai sei can..den is $52.50 wor..but ok wor..aunty paid the $60 for me..:P but she ask me not tell mummy wor..i abit guity leh..pai sei for her to pay wor..so result mon den collect liao..nervous..uncle bring me to dun noe which reservoir..very nice wor..i ask daddy liao he say mayb is dunnoe lower periece reservoir ar? dunnoe leh..but is nice..and got monkey very cute..haha..den i dun want go hm den walk ard meet von at nite and buy sth special..hehe..dun reveal first..

sat:
today loh..i go the chi herb thingy again..today i soak the super hot one loh..cannot tahan wor...all red lyk lobster..but bo bian who ask me cant sweat..and the sin sei say my health got better but need more slp..and i slim down again..the doc also dun believe so i weigh a few more times wor..happy nei..den ah gong very ke lian wor..send him home after soaking den nobody at his hse wor..my 4th uncle the whole family go out sia..hello cant u see my ah gong need help and care???see him stay in his rm alone..and he cant walk properly wor..need wheelchair wor..i worry he fall again and injure himself again wor and worst nobody will noe leh..ask my daddy a few time to assure den ok de..haizz..hope he agreed to come our hse at least someone is at home..den go dinner with jie and jie fu...sway wor..walk half way my slipper spoilt..den my sis help me buy loh...haiz..den super tired...when i close my eyes to rest saw ur image sia..den u msg me liao..so qiao de..hehe..but im very happy wor..hehe...i realli tink too much wor..sorry!! k le...realli tire le..going to zzz le..tml working wor..full day also leh..hao sian wor..and painful wor..dun noe y everytime after the chi herb soak my back very pain de wor..go rest le lah...

take care